Help Your Adult Child Financially Without Having To Be An ATM

Unlimited support may create more strain in the long run

- Angela Tan

From housing to daily expenses, many parents continue to fund their adult children long after they leave school. But what looks like love may in the long run create more financial strain than relief.

In Singapore, it is common for middle-aged and retired parents to dip into their savings to support their grown-up children, covering everything from big-ticket items like housing and car down payments to everyday expenses such as cellphone bills and subscriptions, credit card payments, and even the costs of caring for a pet cat or dog.

The impulse is understandable since parents want the best for their children. No parent wants to watch his or her child suffer and wrestle with high housing costs or career uncertainty.

Dr David Teo, senior consultant psychiatrist and deputy medical director at Connections MindHealth, tells The Sunday Times that Asian families tend to have a "collectivist" culture that emphasizes interdependence and family support.

Westerners, on the other hand, are generally more individualistic and emphasize independence.

For many Asian parents, supporting their children into adulthood is motivated by a sense of love and responsibility, he says.

"Many of us grew up with the belief that family comes first. Many parents believe that parenting never ends and see it as their role to care for their children even when they have grown up. We also see this in how many also play significant roles in caring for their grandchildren," Dr Teo says.

In Asian culture, children are often seen as an extension of the family rather than fully independent individuals. A child's success in completing his or her education, launching a career and starting a family is seen to reflect on one's parenting, Dr Teo says.

Because the success of the child reflects on the family's reputation, parents often feel responsible for making sure their children do not "fall behind".