Are people who can't take spicy food 'not Asian enough'?

For those of us who can't take the heat, there's comfort in knowing that there is more to spice than the tear-inducing chilli.

- Lianne Chia

I'm the only person in my family who enjoys spicy food. And this means that whenever I plan meals with them—whether at home or outside—I'm well accustomed to stepping around various minefields.

"Is this spicy?" is a question that is asked repeatedly at the dinner table. I often find myself looking at dishes on menus, wondering if they came with a sprinkling of chilli flakes, or some sort of hidden spice that would not only spoil my husband's appetite but also trigger my four-year-old son into refusing to eat anything on his plate.

I am often the designated taste-tester when dishes are served at the table. And during communal meals, I can forget about ordering spicy dishes like sambal kangkong—unless I'm prepared to finish the entire portion by myself.

It can be frustrating, which is why, when I'm out with friends or colleagues, I jump at the chance to enjoy meals at places I'd never get to go to with my family. There are the mala hot pots with friends, a buffet lunch at a well-known Indian restaurant, and one of the better work lunches I've had in a while: a restaurant in the North Bridge Road area, serving what was touted as the "best" nasi padang in Singapore.

As I spooned the piquant curries onto my plate of rice, I savoured the richness of the different flavours—and the sharp, tangy hit of spice that followed immediately. Why would anyone choose to miss out on this?

But as it turns out, many people do. And quite often their excuse is that they "can't take spicy food," an admission usually made sheepishly, knowing what is to come: Expressions of disbelief, much eye rolling, pity mixed with a dash of derision, and questions along the lines of: "Are you sure you're Singaporean/Asian?"

My long-suffering husband, who steers clear of most spicy foods, has been on the receiving end of some variation of the jibe multiple times. And I've been guilty of dishing out some of these jibes myself.