The pheasant

One knows it's not the politically correct thing to say these days, but the fact remains that one is the most important bird in Britain. Humans adore us for our beauty. That's why they shoot all the other birds that get in our way.

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Monday

This is our country. We own it by right of conquest. Our ancestors lived no closer than the Black Sea, but humans fell in love with us, shipped us over and gave us Britain for our home. I was looked after lovingly as a chick and then I made my splendid way out into the open countryside. Me and 50 million others. It happens every year. That's because no other bird matters.

Tuesday

In the last few months I have grown up to be exceedingly handsome. There can be no two views on the matter. I do the countryside honour by walking through it and eating everything I can find. At this time of the year the biomass of us pheasants is 1.7 times the biomass of all other bird species in Britain. This country was made for us and it is managed for us.

Wednesday