Chin Up, Rishi - There Might Still Be Reasons To Be Cheerful

Being a compassionate fellow, and even though I’ve never voted Conservative (if that’s a clue), I’m moved by the plight of the party.

- SEAN O'GRADY

I know they’re a bunch of mountebanks, cheats and crooks – and occasionally all three can be combined in some of their leading personalities – but at times it feels as though they’re being subjected to a punishment beating.

Obviously, many voters feel betrayed by them, not to mention deceived, and many of their scandals, including the latest insider betting affair, are entirely a result of their own venal natures. But come on. They’re being pulped so hard that there may be nothing left by 5 July. You can hear the desperation in their voices as they implicitly concede defeat and beg to be left with enough MPs to mount a decent opposition to the “socialist oneparty state”.

The quality of mercy is not strained, so I’d like to cheer them up by offering a few reasons for the Tories to be cheerful. Yes, cheerful. After all, things can only get better...

First, forget about Reform UK. They won’t get more votes than you, whatever they say, and they will get only a few MPs. Yes, Nigel Farage will have a base in the Commons, but he’ll make a poor parliamentarian and is far too lazy to take it seriously. He’ll be bored, and he and the rest of his small collection of fruitcakes will argue with each other, drop endless gaffes, and split, as their predecessors in the European parliament did, and as the hard right always do.

They’re a fractious bunch at the best of times, and they’ll be bitterly divided on whether they want to join a changed Tory party, merge with it, or destroy it. Hold your nerve, take them on for a change, and stay focused on the middle ground, and you’ll have a chance of getting back into power in a few years.