Ashes to Ashes

Barmy Army's pride and parps show no sign of easing despite Bazball's implosion

- Emma John

Courage, soldier. Ben Stokes’s England team may be heading into the third Ashes Test already 2-0 down, but not everyone in English cricket is fazed.

There is one group tailor-made for this scenario, a crack(pot) unit who can lay claim to be the ultimate doomsday preppers. Have your dreams been shattered? Are you crushed beneath the weight of unmet expectation? Then it’s time to join the Barmy Army, son.

Already their advance guard are moving in on ‘Adelaide, the city where they officially formed 30 years ago. England’s most famous - and per capita noisiest - travelling fans will be hoping for an anniversary winagainst-the-odds, like the one they witnessed on that 1994-95 tour. And whatever happens on the pitch, off it the parties will be long and loud.

Even Bazball’s nuclear implosion can’t shake this crew of hardened veterans. They’ve been watching England’s batting collapse since before Jamie Smith was born. They’ve seen more dropped catches than Jofra Archer has Test wickets. Their personal stats as an Ashes touring group read: played 37, lost 27, won 6 (I am excluding the Covid series which fans couldn’t travel to). If anyone knows how to weather a whitewash, it’s someone like Dave Peacock, a founding member. “The cricket’s been very, very disappointing,” he admits, “but we're the lucky ones, because we're on holiday. It’s probably harder for the people at home.”