'As long as I'm getting annoyed, I've still got that edge'

Jos Buttler is mourning the recent loss of his father, and England's former white-ball captain is approaching the latter part of his career with a fresh perspective

- Donald McRae

Another summer is over and, for Jos Buttler, life and cricket feel more precious than ever.

The fleeting nature of both has been accentuated by the loss of Buttler's father, John, after his unexpected death in August. The 35-year-old will soon talk movingly about grief and acceptance but, first, he reflects on his venerable place in white-ball cricket after England's international summer ended in a low-key series in Ireland.

Buttler opened the batting and Jacob Bethell and Rehan Ahmed, who followed him at three and four in the opening match, are both 21. But he had proved his brilliance a few weeks earlier when, against South Africa, he hit 83 off 30 balls in a blistering knock that helped England to become the first team to pass 300 in a T20 international.

"They were affectionately calling me Grandpa," Buttler says of his teammates in Ireland. "It was just me and [the 37-year-old] Adil Rashid as the older crew but it's still great even if sometimes I'm thinking: 'God, how lucky you guys are to have all this ahead of you.' But I've made a conscious effort to try not to think about my age. I'm going to play cricket like this as long as I can and just enjoy it."

We're in a London studio, soon after Buttler and Stuart Broad finished recording this week's episode of their successful For the Love of Cricket podcast. I'm in the chair where Rob Key, the managing director of the England cricket team, had sat while Broad and Buttler interviewed him.

Buttler, though, slips seamlessly into the role of interviewee as he talks honestly about his emotions.

"I got out for a duck in my last innings [in Dublin] and I was absolutely gutted," he says. "But as long as I'm getting annoyed when I don't do well, I've still got that edge." Does he still have "fuck it" written on the top of his bat handle? "I do. At the non-striker's end I look at it as it's a nice reminder about what matters to me."