The power of 'good enough' dads

THE presence of even a “good enough” father can be one of the most protective influences in a child’s psychological development, say experts.

- VIVIAN WARBY

In past generations, a father’s role was often seen as merely bringing home the pay cheque and providing discipline when necessary ... emotional involvement was neither expected nor even encouraged.

But contemporary research now shows just how profoundly fathers shape their children’s mental health and resilience and that the influence of a father extends far beyond financial support — and in fact even physical presence. His emotional presence is what affects everything from emotional security to long-term wellbeing for children.

So, while sons and daughters may respond differently to their father’s parenting style, the dad effect has long-term impact, according to research.

Learnt behaviour

Fathering styles are often learned and passed down from generation to generation until one person is willing to change the outcome.

About 10 years ago, I was delivering workshops to men who were leaving prison to re-enter mainstream life. The transition can be difficult and re-integration a frightening prospect with many obstacles.

One day, as I was wondering if what I was doing in our sessions of about 20 men, actually benefitted anyone, one man approached me privately and told me that the weekend before he had hugged his young son for the first time.

“I didn't know men were allowed to hug each other until these classes. We thought that was for men who fancied each other, not ‘real’ men. My father, my uncles, never hugged me.”

He had tears in his eyes. That good-touch hug - on the surface such a small thing for his long road ahead - had signified a first step in breaking a generational pattern and also a long-held belief in what makes a man a man.