Exiting a situationship

I PURSUED A COMMITMENT WITH AN UNAVAILABLE MAN

- ABIGAIL VIDAURI

As someone who believed that true love is worth fighting for, living by the words that nothing worth having comes easy, I felt perplexed.

I STILL REMEMBER the month and year our eyes first met. It was June 2019, at a vegan street fair in Pasadena, where I held the hand of my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. We stopped by a burger stand where his friend, Allen, happened to work, and as he introduced us, I felt an irrevocable attraction.

The moment Allen's eyes met mine, it was as if I suddenly knew who I was supposed to be with.

Years passed. I dated, but nothing seemed to fill the dissatisfaction I felt with love. I often wondered what was wrong with me. Was I looking for something dysfunctional? Were my standards too high or too low? I couldn't find the answers.

Then in 2023, a notification popped up on Instagram: a friend request from Allen. I stared at my phone in disbelief. Could this be the connection I'd been waiting for all these years?

We met at a restaurant called Joy in Highland Park, his neighborhood and my favorite part of Los Angeles. Our conversations flowed easily. For the first time in my life, I felt compatible with someone. We were both on healing journeys, sober, vegan and in love with nature. Allen was even an amazing vegan chef. I felt as though I couldn't have asked for more. I had found the answer to all of my failed connections. Suddenly all the miserable dates and failed relationships felt worth it because they led me to him.

I wanted to take things slowly, to be sure his intentions matched mine. Allen assured me he wanted a relationship and dreamed of starting a family. One night, as our connection deepened, he asked, “Have you been with anyone in the L.A. metal scene?”