A silly kiss wrecked my long distance relationship

A few months ago, I cheated on my long-distance boyfriend.

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Well, I kissed a guy in a club and slept next to him that night, but we didn't have sex. I panicked and I told my boyfriend what I did a couple of days later and he dumped me.

I still don't know why I said anything because nothing much even happened. And I don't know why I even kissed this guy because I love my ex so much. I guess I was lonely and missing him, as he’s away at uni. I've really messed up.

I haven't seen him since June and he won't reply to my messages, and he won't be home again until October.