Etiquette in London: the 30 new rules

Small talk, cycling, allergies and doorbells are you up to speed? Simon Mills on how not to get it wrong in 2023

- Simon Mills

1: Always have your coffee order ready

The counter is not the place for slow menu rumination. This is London. We are busy and in a hurry. Know what you want in advance. Be specific when you order. Pay contactlessly - and then move on. Now, stand in the holding area to the side and wait. And because this is London and not New York, we say "may I have a..." Not "I'll take a....

2: No variations on 'I'm a little bit mad, me' are allowed

"Sorry, but I am kinda obsessive about my coffee." Really? How terribly individual of you.

3: Your chosen mode of transport is not an excuse for being late

"Sorry...the traffic was terrible." Yes, London traffic is always terrible. You can get across town by Uber, Tube, bus, taxi, e-scooter, Boris bike, eBike, train, DLR or on foot. Or a combination of them all. And with the help of an app or by drawing on simple, mature adult life experience, you should know how long your journey will take.

4: Don't let an allergy become part of your personality

It is OK to quietly alert your dining host to a particular food allergy and/or discreetly detail a specific dietary requirement to a waiter. But these issues should not become a part of your personality, be worn as a badge of individuality or wrongly mistaken as a colourful conversation starter.

5: You are a dog person, even if you are not

Does London love dogs more than humans? Possibly. Even if you are not a dog person or happen to prefer cats, you must deal with the city's canine domination with a friendly pat or a "hello there". Expect to see dogs welcomed in restaurants, on public transport, in stores and in your home.