A kaleidoscope of loons, jokers and chancers

The circus has come to town! Or more specifically, to Uxbridge and South Ruislip, where the by-election to replace Boris Johnson has become a political funhouse. Robbie Smith heads into the madness

- Robbie Smith

A SHADOW has fallen over Metroland. It has an ample belly and a distinctive outline of carefully unkempt hair. If shadows had colour you wouldn’t need me to tell you this one is blond (but not dyed, it would insist pointedly). Poor Uxbridge and South Ruislip, what did it do to deserve this? The answer is: be a Conservative safe seat sat in by Boris Johnson.

His dramatic resignation last month has focused the eyes of the world (genuinely) on this patch of north-west London. The circus has come to town. Labour’s candidate, Danny Beales, has fielded (and rejected) requests from Le Monde, the New York Times, as well as German media. When I visit I can’t stop bumping into fellow journalists. But Johnson’s presence is a ghostly one. Even the man hoping to become his successor, Tory candidate Steve Tuckwell, has only had 30 seconds on the phone with the former PM. Johnson asked him if he’d read his Daily Mail column.

Johnson’s gravitational field still exerts pull after his (political) death – everyone wants to know who will replace him. They will find out the answer tomorrow, though the deeper question — of who will replace him in our politics — will remain. The funny thing is, neither of the main two parties in the running for this seat want to talk about him. Beales, the young sharp Labour man with a moving personal history (he was made homeless twice while growing up), chooses to focus on the cost of living crisis. Likewise, his Tory opponent Tuckwell refuses to be drawn on the party gate farrago.