Beware the placeholder relationship

A FRIEND OF MINE GOT OUT OF A SIX-YEAR RELATION-ship, only to have her ex marry someone new within six months. Another woman I met at a networking event recently has been with her boyfriend for a decade, waiting on a ring. Every time they go on a vacation, she wonders if this holiday will be the one where he will propose, only to be dejected on the flight back home.

- MEEHIKA BARUA

I never had the heart to tell these women they were placeholders, but they fit the bill for a relationship term that's all over social media: a “placeholder partner” is good enough to date, live with, or even spend years alongside, but never the person their partner actually plans to commit to in the long term. They’re the “in the meantime” partner, until the real one comes along. And now that I’m aware of the idea, it is one of my biggest fears—even as it has taught me my own value.

Why do women—these conversations are so often about women— stay in long relationships when their partners have shown no signs of commitment? Often, because they have invested so much of their time, love, energy, and focus into the relationship that they imagine a potential life with their partner. Most people don’t want to start another relationship because they’re terrified of being alone. This is a deeply human fear. Ultimately, though, it holds us back.