Old poker face

After Winston Peters made smooth international appearances as Foreign Minister, said good things at the United Nations and then got into a dispute with former New South Wales premier Bob Carr, I read a press secretary's description of him as "shy".

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This seemed comical, given Peters' public bullishness, and entirely plausible. It's easy to find people who occupy separate versions of themselves. In his new memoir, Knife, Sir Salman Rushdie writes about two Salmans, the private self and the famous persona.

Recently, an old friend gave me an account of a very young person breaking down at an awards ceremony, devastated not to have won. My friend and I smiled, empathising, while agreeing that our warm advice would be, "Get used to it." When we were young, we recalled, no one cared about our mental health.

In moments of crushing disappointment, we remained poker-faced. We agreed the new emphasis on mental health is preferable, also that ordinary disappointment shouldn't be considered traumatising.

It helps to get older and to realise that life is full of devastating setbacks. The thing to do is keep trying. I remember a friend, who was despairing after missing out on an arts grant.

"They rejected me," he wailed. I told him not to take it personally, simply to apply again.