When Helicopter Parents Go to University

Making wake-up calls. Tracking locations. Managing assignment deadlines. How hyper-involved moms and dads can't seem to back off.

- Lisa Kadane

During Kate Hanna's second year at an Ontario university, one of her roommates’ moms—we'll call her Jennifer—started micro-managing her daughter's household. She organized the move-in and tracked household expenses using an app called Splitwise, making sure everyone was paying their share. She texted the moms of her daughter’s roommates, trying to get them involved in overseeing things, too. Hanna, whose name we've also changed, found Jennifer’s involvement off-putting—and couldn’t believe Jennifer tracked her daughter through the Find My app on her phone.

Eventually, the involvement crept into the girls’ social lives. On Homecoming weekend, Jennifer asked to see pictures of their shenanigans. Then, when her daughter sent a video of one of the roommates doing a keg stand at a house party, she texted back judgy comments. It’s not just students who complain about over-the-top moms and dads parachuting themselves into university life. Deans, professors and support staff at universities across Canada have grown accustomed to increased parental involvement. The result is a blurred line between support and intrusion. Because the emotional, financial and practical involvement of parents in the lives of their young adult children has become so normalized, some parents and kids aren’t aware the behaviour might be inappropriate. The outcome largely depends on the kid and the context. Some students benefit from the extra guidance, while others miss out on opportunities to develop independence and resilience.