THE SEASON OF stillness

Every time, I tell myself that this will be the season I stay serene — that I won't be swept into the swirl of expectations, obligations, and emotions that gather as life accelerates. And yet, like clockwork, my nervous system begins to hum with low-level anxiety before the calendar has even caught up.

- EMILY RAWLINSON

There are times in the year when the world seems to demand happiness — celebration, connection, sparkle — whether or not we feel ready to join in. The idea of calm amid constant doing can almost feel subversive, even indulgent. And yet, perhaps that’s exactly why it matters.

When I spoke to psychologist Dr Stephanie Fitzgerald, she began by reminding me that calm isn’t one simple, static state.

‘There can be two elements to calmness,’ she explained. ‘One is very physiological — literally, how calm is my nervous system? Am I in a state of stress, or good stress, or am I feeling very calm? When we're relaxed, it means the parasympathetic nervous system is a bit more active. When we're stressed, it’s the sympathetic — it’s a strange name; it's not as nice as it sounds!’

The second layer, she said, is mental. ‘Are we feeling calm in our minds? Have we got racing thoughts? Are we overthinking things? Are we worrying about something in the future that may or may not happen? We can have a physiological state of calm, but also a mental state — and often one will trigger the other.’

I recognised myself instantly: the late-night version of me whose mind whirls through lists — the unread emails, the forgotten message, the half-packed bag. I can light the candle, play the playlist, open the notebook — but if my body is braced and my mind is sprinting ahead, calm remains out of reach.

The perfect storm of pressure

'There can be a lot of pressure that's inherent in these moments,' Dr Fitzgerald told me. 'Often we're not just thinking of our own happiness, but trying to preempt and predict other people’s happiness.’