ON THE AFTERNOON OF DECEMBER 3, I was on my hands and knees at the Sunset Tower Hotel, praying. It was the day before the Fashion Awards, an annual event put on by the British Fashion Council that honors designers, models, and others—I was up for Model of the Year. Yet all day, I had been making silent pleas not to win.
Please, God, don’t let me win this award, I prayed. I simply do not have the capacity.
When I was 22, studying psychology and literature at the New School, makeup artist Pat McGrath saw me on Instagram and someone from her team sent me an email that would change my life. I started modeling, and in the nine years since, I’ve achieved things I’m deeply proud of: appearing on the covers of American and British Vogue (a few times!), walking runways worldwide, buying a home, even releasing a book. Yet, amid these milestones, I have been afraid of feeling found out. Constantly self-editing, trying to find my balance between tender self-acceptance and unbridled self-hatred. Each victory for representation comes with a new flood of vitriol and a new wave of doubt: Maybe they’re right; maybe I don’t deserve to be here at all.
هذه القصة مأخوذة من طبعة February 12-25, 2024 من New York magazine.
ابدأ النسخة التجريبية المجانية من Magzter GOLD لمدة 7 أيام للوصول إلى آلاف القصص المتميزة المنسقة وأكثر من 8500 مجلة وصحيفة.
بالفعل مشترك ? تسجيل الدخول
هذه القصة مأخوذة من طبعة February 12-25, 2024 من New York magazine.
ابدأ النسخة التجريبية المجانية من Magzter GOLD لمدة 7 أيام للوصول إلى آلاف القصص المتميزة المنسقة وأكثر من 8500 مجلة وصحيفة.
بالفعل مشترك? تسجيل الدخول
Our Campus.Our Crisis.
Inside the encampments and crackdowns that shook American politics.
Middle Management
A 40-something woman undergoes asexual awakening in Miranda July’s thrilling new work.
Return to Guantánamo
Serial dusts off American terror's old machinery.
Chekhov, Misfiring
An Uncle Vanya that’s all talk.
The Art World's Pot Stirrer Returns
Maurizio Cattelan’s first solo gallery show in more than 20 years is a provocative commentary on America’s ills.
On Normani's Time
Five years into her solo career, the pop star's debut album is finally imminent. She's not sorry for the wait.
French Quarter Seafood in Fort Greene
Lots of oysters and fillets of fish inspired by Nobu at Strange Delight.
Where Does the Wine Bar End and the Restaurant Begin?
Pét-nats, pan roasts, and a lobster on the loose at Penny and Demo.
Trial-and-Error Arcadia
Kitty Hawks and Larry Lederman's Chappaqua gardens have been a three-decade-long journey.
The Trash and Treasures of Temu
How are these headphones 4.98? And everything else you've wondered about the chaotic new Everything Store.
