MANAGING MONEY TOGETHER— FOR BETTER, NOT WORSE

The key to financial harmony, even for long-married couples, lies in mastering the art of compromise.

- BY LAURA PETRECCA

In your new advice book for couples, Money Together, fairness is a consistent theme. Why is this such a hot-button issue for couples?

Heather: People have a misguided assumption that fair means even—that you're both giving 50-50 all the time. When you search for that, you can end up in conflict, neither of you getting what you need. When you keep score, you can end up resentful.

Doug: Equal doesn’t build the camaraderie and teamwork that a relationship needs to thrive long term. When fairness is tied to who’s making the money and who contributes more, that’s the wrong vein.

You’re both big proponents of couples talking regularly about money. What are best practices for a productive conversation?

Doug: I like to schedule meetings at the end of each calendar quarter. That’s when financial statements come out, so the data is fresh. Begin by discussing your wins. Then you can get into the financials like budgeting, cash flow and net worth. Go beyond the numbers, too. Dive into what’s working and not working for each of you.