Modern Manners

Advice for Your Social Dilemmas

- JENNA BUSH HAGER

Q DEDRA ASKS…

A very good friend vapes in my house and car constantly. I’ve complained about the smell, but all she did was change the scent. It’s most annoying when she’s right by my ear and constantly dragging on the vape. It hardly leaves her mouth. Now that I’ve tolerated it for so long, I feel like it would be mean to say something. But it gives me a headache! What can I do?

JUSTIN SYLVESTER: It’s never too late to speak up for yourself when you’re feeling uncomfortable! If I were in your position, I would take your friend aside and let her know that you do not appreciate her vaping so close to you. You can explain that it gives you headaches and affects your health, and that you simply don’t like it. One of those reasons alone is enough to ask for a change.

JENNA BUSH HAGER: Because it’s happening in your house and your car, you absolutely have the right to set boundaries. You could kindly ask your friend to vape outside when she’s around you. Let her know that you’ve gone along with it for a while because you care about her, but it’s really starting to affect you. That honesty shows your love and respect for her while also respecting your own needs.

JS: If your friend refuses to stop or doesn’t take your concerns seriously, you get to decide if she’s worth spending time with under those circumstances. And if not, you can let her know—gently but firmly—that she should use her own car or spend time at her own home instead.

KIM ASKS…