Lessons in love

Science says self-love is a superpower, so why aren't more of us practising it?

- CHARLIE HALE

If you have ever stood in front of a mirror and told your reflection you love them, you might be familiar with the sense of idiocy that washed over me as faced my bathroom mirror, searching for a scrap of authenticity in the words had just spoken. If only self-love were that easy.

The words felt contrived, and not at all me”. wanted to love myself, but probably wasn't going to find it within some cookie-cutter wellbeing exercise. Self-love is perhaps the greatest love of all, but it’s also the hardest.

I have never been good at it. My inadequacies shine bright and, more often than not, view my achievements as simply what needed to be done. Yes, woe is me. And yet don’t know many people who can honestly say they haven't experienced the feeling of not being enough, or even nearly enough. It’s hardly peer-reviewed data, but sometimes personal experience trumps the numbers; science is great, but it’s not a heart-to-heart with your best girlfriend, it doesn’t know the things you say to yourself just before you drift off to sleep.

In the past, when have made mistakes, I've been quick to chastise and reject myself. have felt guilt for passing on social occasions, guilt for not being further along in my career, guilt for not providing my daughter with a permanent home, mum guilt all the guilts, in fact.

Lately though, have been wondering why am so hard on myself; who does this serve? There was a time when my high standards proved to be a powerful engine; they got me to where wanted to go, but self-flagellation only gets you so far. That engine of doubt will inevitably burn out.