How to ask for what you actually want in bed

Because, be honest, you suck at it!

- Lois Shearing

You’ve done the research. You know exactly what you like. Your solo seshes are a well-choreographed routine featuring your fave lubes, the perfect combination of vibrators and erotica you already have bookmarked (how many times is it okay to listen to Andrew Scott’s Quinn story? Asking for a friend).

But when it comes to asking for what gets you off? Suddenly you’re letting someone rub your inner labia for 10 minutes while they ask if you’re close—you’re not and neither are they. Asking for what you want in bed can be hard, but it is also the key to the best sex of your life. “We’re all responsible for our own pleasure and orgasms,” says clinical sexologist Gigi Engle. “Our partners are not mind readers and if you don’t communicate what you want or how you like to be touched, they are not going to automatically know.”

To help out, we asked a few sexperts to give us their top tips for getting what you want.