MARIA SHRIVER Leaving My Marriage, Finding Myself

AT 69, THE WOMAN WHO ONCE DEFINED HAVING IT ALL' IS SLOWING DOWN ('A LITTLE BIT'), IN A WRITING POETRY AND GOOD PLACE' WITH EX-HUSBAND ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER

- By LIZ MCNEIL

Cruising With the President Maria (left) with her uncle JFK and his daughter Caroline in 1963 outside Hyannis Port, Mass.

Maria Shriver always thought she “had the self-awareness thing down cold.” That was before her mid-50s, when life as she knew it imploded. Her beloved parents, Eunice and Sargent Shriver, both died, her job as California’s First Lady came to an end, and her 25-year marriage to Arnold Schwarzenegger painfully blew up after she learned of his affair with their longtime house-keeper Mildred Baena, resulting in a son, Joseph, now 27. Bereft, she began to dig deep, exploring who she really was behind the famous family name, the big career as a network news anchor and the high-profile union. Surprisingly, writing poetry helped—especially with expressing the feelings she had long held inside, including trauma, anxiety and a lack of self-worth. “I grew up surrounded by hugely successful people doing extraordinary things,” she says. “I struggled to figure out how I'd be able to compete with all of that.” Now 69, the mom of four—Katherine, 35, Christina, 33, Patrick, 31, and Christopher, 27—and grandmother of three has written a new book, I Am Maria, a collection of personal poems and intimate reflections, excerpted here, revealing an unexpected vulnerability. “How do I become Maria now,” she asks, “when all the titles and trappings are gone?”

In 2000 I published the bestseller Ten Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Went Out Into the Real World because I wanted to share all the lessons I'd learned about love, marriage, kids, and how to navigate your way into a high-powered career—everything I thought you needed to know if you wanted to “have it all,” as I thought I did.