Finding My Father Has Brought Me Peace

ALEXANDRA LOVETT TRACKED DOWN THE PARENT SHE NEVER KNEW AND FOUND MORE LOVE THAN SHE EVER IMAGINED

- WENDY GROSSMAN KANTOR

In April 2020 Alexandra Lovett sent Wolf Martinez—the father she had never met and who had no idea she existed—a message on Facebook. “I wrote, ‘I know this is a difficult thing,’” recalls the 37-year-old, who made clear that she didn’t want anything from him, just for him to know that she had always dreamed of meeting him. “I told him to take some time and think about it and that I looked forward to hearing from him.”

Martinez, 60, a Santa Fe-based shiatsu practitioner and spiritual counselor with Indigenous ancestry, responded immediately: “I said, ‘I need your phone number because I’m really confused and have some questions!’”

Lovett’s revelation—confirmed by an Ancestry DNA test her mother had given her for her birthday—shocked Martinez for several reasons: “I’m a gay man. I’m married,” he explains. “My husband and I have been together for 24 years. I was like, ‘How is this even possible?’”