SAFETY AUDIT!

IN A CHANGING AUTOMOTIVE WORLD MORLEY REFLECTS ON THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF THE INDUSTRY, AND WONDERS WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS

- DAVE MORLEY

Because I have to put food on the table (and a new table wouldn't be a bad idea for 13 Struggle Street, either) I have a job that requires me to drive brand-new cars. In the name of science, of course. This is a job I've been doing for almost four decades and, to be honest, it's put me in the seat of a lot of cars I could never afford, nor would I ever be allowed to test drive under any other circumstances. I have been a very lucky boy.

But these days, the new-car market is absolutely awash with EVs, dual-cab utes and SUVs; three of the motor vehicle categories I am least interested in. Okay, so a job's a job, but surely it can't just be me who wishes to return to a time when Ford was making 351 powered Hardtops, Holden was building turbocharged Commodores, the Japanese were importing little turbocharged slingshots and Europe was keeping itself busy building the best sedans in the world.

Seems to me that, as consumers, we've kind of lost the plot.

And you can't blame the carmakers for this malaise; they're only building what people want. Nope, it's all about the way the cops have sucked the fun out of going for a drive, the politicians have made it prohibitively expensive and social media has turned car-lovers like you and me into behorned Satan worshippers.

Then there's the Safety Police. Because most numpties believe what they see on telly, the Safetycrats have been able to convince everybody that they must go into hock for a brand-new car with all the latest driver-safety aids. And it is here where my real job of driving new cars has taken me to some very dark places.