What If… God Was A Woman?

Author and comedian Kathy Lette pens a letter to Father Christmas and comes up with a pretty good idea...

- Kathy Lette

Dear Santa,

First off, I’m soooo sorry I wolfed down all the mince pies I’d left out for you and also drank all the whisky. But what with raised anxiety levels due to Brexit, Trump’s trumpeting, rootin’, tootin’, shootin’ Putin, the burning of the Brazilian rainforest… not to mention that both my kids have moved back home, descending on the fridge with locust-like ferocity, using up all the hot water and regularly leaving tissues in jean pockets, resulting in washing dandruffed in lint, it’s been a rather taxing 12 months. (I’m told that the first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest.)

So you can understand why I’m looking for a little Yuletide love from you this year, Saint Nick. And I have been a very good girl, promise. I’ve raised money for many charities, ranging from autism to osteoporosis… not to forget amnesia research. (Ha ha. Pull the other leg, Santa, it’s got a Christmas stocking on it.)