Help! A Posh Pooch Is Coming To Stay

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We love our Jack. With his eager collie-ish face, he is a mixture of almost every possible colour of fur – parentage unknown. Found skinny and lost, wandering the streets in a small town near Glasgow, he was taken to Dogs Trust, where we chose him as our own. He is a wonderful hound and hugely affectionate with everyone he meets. I work from home as an author and Jack is my constant companion. Yes, he has his quirks – such as being terrified of the vet, so I can only assume he wouldn’t take too kindly to being handled by a dog groomer either. So, seven years since we adopted Jack, he remains lovably ungroomed – a scruffy hound who is frequently filthy and occasionally a bit pongy. We are not so house-proud that we mind.

In contrast, our friends’ dog Penelope – referred to by us as Lady P – is a sweet little bundle who smells no more of dog than a teddy bear would. When Penelope’s owners ask if we would have to stay while they visit family overseas, I say yes, ofcourse. However, I am thrown into panic.

Penelope is a seriously posh pooch. For one thing, she is a proper breed – well, cross-breed – a schnoodle (miniature schnauzer/poodle cross), and shares none of Jack’s habits such as leaping into the filthy local pond, or rolling in fox poo. She is extremely well-behaved, trotting obediently at her owner’s side. Whereas Jack’s identity tag on his collar is lost on a weekly basis – I should have a loyalty card for the engraver’s shop – Penelope proudly sports the same one she has had since puppyhood. The night before her arrival I find myself actually tidying up for her stay with us.