Bored & Tired? How To Reboot Your Relationship Post-Lockdown

A year stuck on the sofa together has caused irritations to fester and sex lives to suffer. Psycho­ therapist jean­claude chalmet gives expert advice for (fed­up) couples.

- Anna Maxted

Most of us have spent more time with our partners in the past year than we ever have before. Let’s be frank – we are tired of each other. Even the strongest relationships have felt the strain. Now, as restrictions have eased, this is the perfect opportunity to take stock and give your relationship some badly needed TLC.

Ask what you both want from your relationship from now on

It’s time to start talking about how you want your relationship to look in future. What did you like about the past year? What, ideally, would you change? Invite your partner to share their views honestly. Sit down together. Rather than saying, ‘This is what I want,’ be interested in what the other person has to say.

Discover what you can agree on. Ask them what they will miss now that life is hopefully becoming more ‘normal’. Perhaps you took to going to bed earlier because you were both so tired, and the bedroom became your shared sanctuary. So what might you do to maintain that now? Just asking the question will have a positive effect on your entire dynamic.

Vocalise your built-up irritations (tactfully)

If small resentments are causing problems, it’s likely they already existed but have been made worse under the sustained pressure of the lockdown. But noticing the niggle is only the first step. The second step is to admit what’s bothering you – and how hard can that be relative to what you’ve already endured? Consider what it’s worth to you to rid your relationship of that frustration: one or two difficult conversations?

It can help to imagine what your marriage would look like if you had the use of a magic wand. Being able to visualise your preferred reality is half the battle won. Then it’s easier to focus on how to achieve it.