When love takes time

A third of mothers have early problems bonding with their babies, as UK M&B reader Cat James, full-time mum to Nathan, can testify...

-  Cat James

My pregnancy was difficult, but whenever I felt stressed, I just remembered what friends had told me. ‘“When you hold your baby in your arms, it’ll all be worth it,” they said. “You’ll fall in love with him.”

Signed off work at 23 weeks due to high blood pressure and recurrent bleeds, I was told to rest and relax. To stay positive, I visualised the moment I’d meet my baby. I imagined gazing into his eyes as a motherly instinct kicked in. Straight away, I’d recognise him as my son, overwhelmed with affection and a natural gut feeling about how best to care for him.Friends, family—anyone who had a child—gushed about that initial bond between a mother and her newborn. I didn’t doubt them for a minute. My belief that I’d fall instantly and madly in love with my son was unshakable.

READY TO MEET MY BABY

Despite my complicated pregnancy, the birth was drama-free. At seven days overdue, my waters broke, waking me at 2.30am. My contractions started thick and fast, but I was relaxed. I even calmed my husband Duncan, who was beside himself with worry. At the hospital that morning, my labour progressed quickly. It was painful and at times the baby’s heart rate dipped, but nothing about it was traumatic. Just four hours after I’d arrived on the ward, with no time even for my longed-for epidural, I learnt I was fully dilated and ready to meet my baby. This was the moment I’d been waiting for... Nathan was born naturally at 11.50am after what felt like a lifetime of pushing. I lay back, exhausted, as the midwife placed him on my chest.