No more false starts, cull the scrum cheats

I suspect I’m about to hack off all front rowers past and present but hopefully they will read on because I am also going to defend them to the hilt. Sort of.

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We, the viewing public, have had a bellyful of the utter futility surrounding scrums and the re-setting of said scrums. The ridiculous faffing around has taken boredom to new levels and is selling the paying public short. Sympathy for the so called black arts has run out. It’s cheating plain and simple.

At least twice per match we come across periods of three or four minutes in which nothing happen. Ludicrously many of those involved, especially in the front row, are only on the pitch for 45-50 minutes a week.

You know the drill. Whistle blows for a scrum, followed by the slow motion gathering on the mark at which point somebody will take a knee for no good reason. The referee might also take this opportunity to haranguing various forwards – there should be one lecture before the game and that’s it – and then suddenly another forward develops contact lens issues.

Then comes the ritual slow motion choreography of harnessing of the front row like train carriages being coupled, the second rows coming together, hip to hip, binding tightly before going down on one knee and slotting into their front row with the flankers then adjusting their positions. Meanwhile the No.8 goes for a final wander, talks to his scrum-half and spies the enemy for one last time before shoving his head between his locks’ backsides.