DO YOU CONSENT? Yes/No/Maybe

SOMEONE I dated briefly told me that it is difficult to understand consent in a post #MeToo world.

- Swapna C

I was shocked to hear that.

“But you did know what to do with me,” I countered.

“I know, we spoke about liking each other. I know you came to meet me. I know you sat beside me. But, till we started kissing, I wasn’t sure,” said the guy.

I reminded him about how we made out like crazy, but still didn’t go all the way ‘coz I didn’t want to. He wanted to, but he didn’t insist.

I gave him my blessing with a grand proclamation: “There you have it. You understand consent!”

He seemed to accept that it was okay with me, but I could see he was wondering whether that was it. Got me thinking about how I used to think consent was all about being able to say No.

Years ago, I asked a guy to stop right in the middle of the act and he did, but not without complaining about how girls get whatever they want. “Somehow we always have to do it whenever a girl wants to. How about doing it when a guy wants to?”

For a bit, I felt guilty, but then I realised that if a guy had asked me to stop, I would have because that was how I saw consent for the large part. #NoMeansNo

The ability to say No is important, but consent is also about being able to say yes without actually saying it.

That is where people often get confused. The idea of seeking permission for proceeding makes one wonder how to go about it. Should a guy ask for permission before holding hands, hugging, kissing, cuddling, hitting second base, and so on? Should a woman do the same?

Uff. Asking should we do this or that every five seconds would be a buzzkill for sure!

Or, should you make a list of what you want to enjoy, and ask permission for the whole lot beforehand?

Awkward.