And Baby Makes Two

The growing "single mother by choice" movement may be seen as a non-traditional path to parenthood, but for these women who chose it, the reward is worth every struggle.

- By Michelle Stansbury

I had always imagined myself in a traditional family structure as an adult (first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby, etc.). But somewhere in the back corners of my mind, I had a Plan B: single parenthood.

In my late 20s, as each successive date or relationship didn't turn into "the one," I put my resolve into words: "If I am still single at 35, I'll have a baby on my own."

Once I started saying it out loud, I noticed that many other single women also had the idea of diving into single motherhood at some point if they didn't find a partner. I talked to two others, Joyce Gabbert and Crystal King, for this story. The details of our experiences are different - Joyce had her daughter more than two decades ago; Crystal had two kids two years apart - but we all wanted to control our own destinies when it came to building our families.

When I turned 35, I felt ready-more than ready, in fact-to start the next phase of my life. I approached the turning point with pragmatism: first a doctor's appointment to remove my IUD and get a referral to a fertility specialist, learning about fertility options and the associated costs (which can reach into the tens of thousands of dollars) and getting baseline tests done to assess my fertility. I decided to start with an intrauterine insemination (IUI), which I described to friends as just slightly more complicated than the so-called "turkey baster" approach. I picked an unknown donor from a sperm bank and started the process, knowing that with only about a 15% rate of pregnancy per IUI for someone like me, it would probably still be some time before I was pregnant.

After a roller coaster that involved one year, five IUIS, one miscarriage and two IVF implantations, I finally got pregnant with a healthy baby girl.