Say hello to your hard feelings

Negative feelings, if not cleared or handled on time, can entrench themselves deeply in our subconscious, hampering our day-to-day living. Navni Chawla explores ways to address them and then release them from our lives.

- Navni Chawla

Have you ever felt your throat choking with pent-up emotions that you could not express to anyone? Have you ever felt like crying your heart out when it is brimming with sadness? Have you ever felt so angry that you wanted to throw things around and burn some curtains? Have you felt deep shame and humiliation in a certain situation that made you feel helpless too? Have you ever struggled with gnawing guilt, making you want to never see your face in the mirror again? Have you ever felt a crippling fear of thoughts which seem so real that all you wish to do is wrap yourself in a thick cosy blanket, imagining how safe it was in your mother's womb? Do you feel at times that the world gets to you and is harsh?

Well, I do.

There have been so many instances where I have felt that I am on an emotional roller coaster, with my mind in a frenzied overdrive. The troubling feelings would bubble up to the surface from the depths of my unresolved and knotted subconscious. While watching a movie scene where a girl did not feel wanted by her mother, I sobbed for hours with my own abandonment issues coming to the surface. After the birth of my twin siblings, my mother had to devote all her energies and time to looking after them, leaving her with little time for me. Although I realise now that whatever my mother did was purely unintentional and she was not to blame, understanding and forgiveness don't happen so quickly. They often come after living through an ordeal. And between feeling the stormy emotions and gaining a certain clarity or perspective, one often loses a lot. In that window, I have gone through tremendous pain and crying spells, and have felt lost, hopeless, worthless, helpless, lonely, and disconnected from everything.