Can You (Ever) Date A Friend's Ex?

In a world of infinite choice and access, is it ever okay to push past the velvet rope into the hallowed territory all women hold as sacred?

- Saumyaa Vohra

Few things are considered truly sacrosanct in friendships: never reveal their darkest secrets, never bring a partner to a girl’s night, never pull an embarrassing story out of the archives in public—and, for most people—never date their ex. As the world gets flatter every day with more dating apps than can fit on your phone’s home screen, there seems less justification than ever for going out with a friend’s former partner. This isn’t the 90s, where we are forced to function on a 5km social radius. We have limitless potential dates just a swipe away, a Friday night paramour conjured up in minutes, a ‘looking to look it down’ waiting in the wings on Hinge. How then, in a scenario where you can date beyond any border, can dating a friend’s ex be kosher?

When I bring it up at parties, the answer splits the room. For some, like Ria*(27), it can never be okay; and she speaks from being on the business end of it. When her college roommate started dating her exboyfriend of four years, the owl that delivered the letter was an Instagram story. “It wasn’t just the betrayal of it that was bad enough. It was that she knew how much I loved him and how wrecked I was by the break-up. She didn’t even have the decency to talk to me about it.” Ria, who had stayed friends with her ex, promptly severed contact with both; and has no desire to fix either equation. “I introduced them at my birthday party! Of all the people they could’ve been with, I don’t understand why they had to choose each other.”