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Some of the most complex female characters on TV are polarising because of sex. Why? For one thing women need to be able to laugh at their own sexual choices and behaviour. They get to make decisions about their own sexuality. Very much the idea behind She’s Gotta Have It, a Netflix reboot of a similarly titled Spike Lee movie. The lead, Nola, has four lovers: three male, one female. So far. How To Get Away With Murder opens with Annalise Keating receiving oral sex from someone we figure out is not her husband. A collection of remarkably audacious stories of Scandalous Women: The Lives & Loves of History’s Most Notorious Women. Then of course there is sex positive, polyamorous, gender fluidity, transgender and terms that were never there for our consideration as teenagers. It is easy to admire women who live their lives unapologetically. It is just as easy to resent them. There is a reason Rihanna is a wildly popular as she is. Why she is considered sexy. Her brown skin are more like duck feathers. Water rolls off of it. She shakes it off and on to the next. We like branding ourselves queens and goddesses, thinking only of the part where we get what we want. Being royalty or being a deity is a woman thing. Deities are responsible or they better be! You can’t be a true kween if you think sex unravels only on the physical plane; that it is something you give in order to get. True royalty gives and has a fair grasp on things they decide on. To fully grow up and into your own as a woman you will need to approach sex with more than a little timidity. You are going to have to do the unthinkable - go spelunking into your woman cave. Not THAT cave… the one in your mind, heart and soul. There is a lot that is left up to a woman’s lover. If you love yourself you will have to be your best lover. Take that any way you please. Carol.

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