COUNT Binface says he'll make Thames Water bosses "take a dip" in the polluted river if he becomes London mayor.
The self-described intergalactic space warrior, who says he is 5,072-years-old in Earth years, is on the ballot paper next Thursday.
The satirical political character created by comic Jonathan David Harvey highlighted pollution in Britain's second-longest river.
And he pledged to make Thames Water chiefs "take a dip to see how they like it". Speaking outside Parliament, the Count outlined his flagship policies for the capital.
<img style="width: 100%;" src="https://cdn.magzter.com/1583505505/1714177003/articles/km5mvNIkk1714186823596/1114475566.jpg">
They include renaming London Bridge after Phoebe Waller-Bridge, price capping croissants at &pound;1.10 and granting Grade 1-listed status to Claudia Winkleman's fringe.
Binface claimed he is "the only candidate with a decent manifesto" but praised the current mayor.
He said: "Unlike the two previous incumbents, Ken Livingstone and Boris 'The Bombshell' Johnson, Sadiq Khan is not yet a laughing stock - so fair play on that front." The Count could also contest PM Rishi "Biggles" Sunak's seat in the general election.

I'll dip the water rats

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{{magzter}} is the World's largest and fastest growing self-service, cross-platform digital newsstand with over 87 million users since its inception in 2011 and thousands of magazines and newspapers across 40+ categories and 60+ languages. Headquartered in New York, Magzter has its local presence in Amsterdam, London, Mexico City, Chennai, Mumbai, New Delhi, Bengaluru, Singapore, and will soon be expanding to other countries. Founded by global entrepreneurs, Girish Ramdas and Vijay Radhakrishnan in June 2011, Magzter enables magazine and newspaper publishers around the world to create and deliver digital editions of their titles to global consumers.