DOGE's Challenge Is Gargantuan
The Wall Street Journal|January 21, 2025
Take a peek at what all those bureaucrats are doing, from watermelons and whales to wampum. ee
By Kyle Peterson
DOGE's Challenge Is Gargantuan

As Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy get ready to lead the new Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE, on a mission to streamline the federal bureaucracy, it's worth reviewing what they're up against. The Federal Register, the regulatory state's stream of consciousness, ran to 12,174 pages in December. What was done in your name, with your taxes? Here's a light sample, and as the humor columnist Dave Barry always used to say, I am not making this up.

Take a peek at what all those bureaucrats are doing, from watermelons and whales to wampum.

The National Marine Fisheries Service said the U.S. Navy had asked advance permission to run over and blow up some Pacific megafauna by accident during the next seven years. The Navy's meticulous 648-page application seeks approval for "9 takes of large whales by serious injury or mortality from vessel strikes," plus "146 takes by mortality of 11 marine mammal species from explosives during Navy training exercises." Yes, sea lions are neat, but so is national security. Kaboom!

The Agricultural Marketing Service, using the power vested in it by the Watermelon Research and Promotion Act of 1985, approved a request "to increase the assessment rate from six cents per hundredweight to nine cents." This extra cash will be deployed by the National Watermelon Promotion Board "strengthen the position of watermelons in the marketplace," so watch your back, Big Cantaloupe. Sepatorately, the feds are holding a referendum of natural grass sod producers to see if they favor a similar setup.

This story is from the January 21, 2025 edition of The Wall Street Journal.

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This story is from the January 21, 2025 edition of The Wall Street Journal.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.