The cost of grief and vet care: Will I still want to have a dog when I retire?

There are benefits to having companion animals but they come with downsides too.

- Sumiko Tan

When I saw Bella standing by her water bowl that Monday morning three weeks ago, I knew in my gut that I'd be in for another period of worry and tears.

There was a strained look on her face and something in her posture that indicated she wasn't all well.

When I went over to carry her, she relaxed in my arms, which you would think was a good sign, but it wasn't.

I adopted Bella from an animal rescue shelter in September 2020. She was probably about seven years old then, a breeding dog who had been abandoned.

She had been nursed by the shelter and was on the road to recovery. I brought home a tiny, fat, white chihuahua who waddled rather than walked.

Her hair had been shorn and she looked like a cross between a piglet and bear. Her fur grew out fluffy and soft, and with her apple-shaped head and big, round black eyes, she became a picture-perfect long-haired chihuahua.

Beneath the pretty appearance, though, she was unusually guarded.

She was wary of humans and it took weeks before she stopped eyeing us with suspicion.

No matter how much we loved her, patted and cooed over her, there was a part of her that hung back. She wasn't one to throw herself at you when you came home.

She wouldn't take food from my hand; I would have to place it on the floor.

Whenever anyone carried her, her whole body would stiffen and she'd have a grimace on her face. Once we put her back on the floor, she'd shake herself as if to rid herself of our touch.

She was the happiest around food, waddling about with excitement and giving out funny "quak-quak" barks.

When she was neutered soon after I got her, the vet said the operation was complicated as her insides had been messed up, probably because she had given birth multiple times.

In December 2024, when we took her to the vet for a check-up, he told us Bella had Cushing's disease, which explained her increased thirst, urination, panting and hair loss.