Higher Power

Through stories of victory laps and the daily grind, veterans Madhu Sapre and Mehr Jesia and vanguards Nayonikaa Shetty and Anugraha Natarajan find a wonderful new kinship. Following the theme for Vogue India's January-February 2024 issue, the sisters-in-arms compare chapters from their lives that underscore the strength of female friendships. BANDANA TEWARI pens the opening essay capturing this code and narrates the beauty of sharing the table.

-  BANDANA TEWARI

Whether I'm writing from the lap of the Himalayas in Sikkim or facing paddy fields in Bali, one truth is clear: we are nourished by nature's biodiversity. It's easy, then, to make the connection: we need the same diversity in our human relationships. In the past, our mothers, grandmothers and extended families constituted the only proverbial village that raised a child. Today, we live long distances away from our families and rely heavily on technology to stay in touch. This is not enough.

I often ask myself, who lives in my modern village? The nature of my village has changed, but I had to walk a long, circuitous road in the fashion industry to come to this realisation.

For thirteen years, I jetted around the world, interviewing brilliant designers and watching fascinating shows. At that time, fashion was quite insular and the friendships were performative rather than wholesome. I began to see a disconnect between my inward journey and my outward affectations. There were confusing hierarchies I had to navigate to 'belong', and I remember the anxiety of constantly toggling between having power and losing power-not the kind of momentum that can fulfil anyone.

This subtle fearfulness became a constant in my life. And I saw it pervading most women around me whether they talked about it or not.

In reality, the invisible boundaries marked for women are vast, bewildering and unfair. We sanctimoniously tell ourselves not to talk too much about beauty and age because it's superficial, yet we do it every day when we face the mirror. This is absurd, I thought. My job was behind the scenes, so why was I subjecting myself to this intense scrutiny? Therapists call it 'self-bullying': irrational beliefs that one is not smart enough, beautiful enough or good enough. This self-sabotaging then transfers to the judgement of others, creating layers of despair, further breaking the sacred bond between our inner and outer worlds.