My reflection a mere inch from my actual face, I inspected the rapid growth of grey hairs. Suddenly, I heard the way I was mentally talking to myself. ‘These grey hairs are grim! You’re ageing rapidly. Your husband must find you so unattractive now. Look at the wrinkles! And you’ve got spots! Try harder! Be better! Be younger!’
Stepping back from the mirror, it was like I was seeing and hearing myself for the first time. Where had this stream of criticism and bullying come from, and who was it helping?
When I’m not scrutinizing my reflection, the running commentary in my head is pleasant. I think about the people I love, books I’ve read, films I’ve seen and the things I can do to be more green. I’m busy having good thoughts, but the mirror waits for an opportunity to steal my joy. There are mirrors everywhere. One in the bedroom, two in the hallway, so I can check how tired my face looks and how big my bum is at the same time. The amount I have means that several times a day my thoughts go to a not very nice place. It was time my mirrors and I went on a break.
Monday
Last night, I gave my eyebrows a good plucking, then covered up all the mirrors. This morning, I applied tinted moisturizer, but avoided using my eyebrow pencil, eyelash curler and mascara, for fear of haphazard results. My husband, Gaz, 38, didn’t look at me strangely over breakfast so I’m guessing I didn’t leave myself with streaks of war paint across my cheeks.
I tell myself that my at-home gym mirrors are handy for ensuring good form, but that’s a lie. Gym mirrors serve to punish me, and without them, I bounced around the room unselfconsciously, dancing to music between reps.
Tuesday
This story is from the June 15, 2020 edition of WOMAN'S OWN.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the June 15, 2020 edition of WOMAN'S OWN.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Is it ever OK to lie about your age?
Kaye Adams has done it, and even Mel B jokes that she doesn't believe friend Geri Horner is 51. We ask...
‘I DIDN'T THINK.I'D SEE MUM AGAIN'int ICAT AFAR
MelB on rebuilding her life rebuilding her life after her abusive’ marriage
8 WAYS TO BECOME A MORNING PERSON
Improve body and mind with just a few simple tweaks to your daily routine
WHY YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST LOVE
(laire Dore, 50, learnt a lot from her first serious relationship
WHAT'S THE NAKED ATTRACTION ?
After a host of celebrities admitted to stripping off behind closed doors, Natalie Brown, 43, decided to bare all to find out just what all the fuss was about
MY FURY AT BEING A GRAN AT 52
Shona Sibary was far from excited when her eldest daughter welcomed her first child
A YEAR IN THE MAKING
Many of us shy away from drastic change but for these three women, it was just what they needed
I LOST 6ST AND FOUND THE REAL ME!
Shay Al-Ajami May, 32, was fed up pretending to be happy, so she decided to make it a reality
WHAT DO YOUR FEET SAY ABOUT YOUR HEALTH?
From heart disease to arthritis, here’s what they might be trying to tell you…
HOW CAN WE HELP OUR CHILDREN?
With more young people facing mental-health crises, we investigate what needs to be done