The Value Of Shame

Far from this feeling being entirely negative, it helps us develop, says Dr Joseph Burgo

- Dr Joseph Burgo

We all remember the sensation – hot, burning cheeks; lowered eyes;a longing to escape as quickly as possible… Whether it’s a childhood memory of being chosen last in team games, a joke falling on deaf ears at the office party or receiving a polite decline after plucking up the courage to ask a colleague on a date, the sense of humiliation that comes from feeling rejected or separate from your social group often feels extremely uncomfortable.

But, far from shame being a confined to a one-off traumatic experience, it’s an emotion we feel in varying degrees throughout the day, according to Dr Joseph Burgo. In his new book, Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy & Build True Self-Esteem (Watkins, £14.99), the psychotherapist unravels our perceptions of the emotion and concludes it’s not so much a toxic experience, but a family of feelings – including embarrassment, guilt and self-consciousness – that can be transformed into a positive outcome.