When I was 25, I swapped nudes with my partner on a pretty regular basis. It felt safe. I trusted him. It was fun, flirty and exhilarating.
Fast-forward a few months and our relationship had run its course. But it didn’t end there. A friend of his was scrolling through his phone, came across my nudes in his gallery and forwarded the photos to a WhatsApp group. And the rest is history. Soon, it felt like almost every person I knew had seen me at my most intimate and most exposed.
I got the same reaction from almost everyone. ‘But you’re a smart woman – why did you even take the photographs?’
How to invalidate the trauma of revenge porn with one sentence.
Victim blaming comes in many forms, and is often subtle and unconscious. ‘I think the biggest factor that promotes victim-blaming is something called “the just-world hypothesis”,’ says Sherry Hamby, a professor of psychology at the University of the South in Tennessee in the US, and founding editor of the American Psychological Association’s Psychology of Violence journal. ‘It’s this idea that people deserve what happens to them. There’s just a really strong need to believe that we all deserve our outcomes and consequences.’
By holding victims responsible for their own misfortune, it’s easy to avoid the truth: that something just as unthinkable could happen to you, even if you do everything ‘right’.
BLAMING THE SENDER
This story is from the September/October 2020 edition of Fairlady.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the September/October 2020 edition of Fairlady.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Easter with edge
Grant knows what it's like to miss out on the celebrations that anchor family life.
Wellbeing
How to sleep better, feel better and look better!
The other type of CHEATING
Lies about money can have devastating consequences in a relationship.
START A BUSINESS LIKE a Saffer
There's nothing quite like a South African entrepreneur. In the face of adversity, they innovate and persevere. But what fuels that determination? We chatted to some self-starters to find out.
SUPER TROUPER
At one point, Josie Borain was the most famous model in the world. Her face was on every magazine that mattered. And in the madness of all that attention, she never lost her sense of self. She talks to us about turning 60, being single, and starting her third act with a move to the platteland.
HOME AFFAIRS
These three entrepreneurs are redefining the heartbeat of homes through their unique blend of creativity, sustainability and purposeful design.
PAYING IT FORWARD
Nobody wants to think too deeply about their own death. Perhaps that's why so many of us shy away from even contemplating the prospect of organ donation. But did you know that a single organ donor can save up to seven lives, or that a kidney or liver transplant is possible from a still-living donor?
OVERWHELMED and OVERSCHEDULED
Is your inbox making you feel anxious? Do you sometimes feel like your to-do lists are endless? Do you feel exhausted after a day's work? Productivity expert Cal Newport has some tips that might help.
There are different ways of being a woman
For a long time, Jodie Foster was the most visible lesbian in Hollywood not that she really wanted to talk about it). Now, she feels liberated and is helping the younger generation follow suit.
SEA SHELLS on the SEA SHORE
On a deserted stretch of beach in rural KwaZulu-Natal, you can be part of a once-in-a-lifetime wildlife experience. Welcome to Thonga Beach Lodge, home to a protected sea turtle nesting beach.