HOW TO MAKE AMENDS
Fairlady|November/December 2021
IT’S NOT EASY TO BE THE ONE TO EXTEND THE OLIVE BRANCH AFTER A FALLOUT, BUT LET IT BE THE GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF – AND ANY RELATIONSHIPS YOU WANT TO SALVAGE – THIS HOLIDAY.
DOMINIQUE BOWEN
The holidays are in sight, which means three weeks of happy get-togethers with family and friends, right? Well, if you feel a touch of unease at the thought, this season may also need to be one of difficult conversations to mend bonds. Toes may have been stepped on, things said, phones unceremoniously hung up…

Closer to home, it could also be time to rip the bandage off any tension that’s been simmering between you and your partner so that the next few weeks feel more like The Holiday and less like Marriage Story. It’s been a rough year, with a whole lot of emotional baggage for everyone. That doesn’t mean you need to drag it with you into 2022. It’s time to make amends.

PREPARE FOR A RELATIONSHIP REBOOT

Maintaining harmony in your relationships is an obvious priority, but somewhere along the line you’re going to butt heads, and that’s a good thing. That said, it can also go too far, because tempering our feelings in the heat of the moment goes against our instincts. And this is where things can get a bit more complicated.

Luckily, conflict – even a full blow-up – needn’t signify the point of no return. In fact, it could lead to a reawakening for your relationship. ‘Resolving a conflict forces you to broaden your understanding and challenges you to think differently,’ says Monique Schneigansz, a registered counsellor based in Cape Town. Making amends has the power to provide a deeper understanding of, and even strengthen, a relationship, whether that relationship is with a family member, a friend or your partner.

The understanding you gain of each other lays a foundation for boundary-setting, which is the ideal outcome. ‘Boundaries not only protect you as an individual, but also help others interact with you in a healthy way, increasing your ability to be perceived as trustworthy and approachable,’ says Olwethu Jwili, a clinical psychologist based in Johannesburg.

WHY DO WE FIND MAKING UP SO HARD?

Continue reading your story on the app

Continue reading your story in the magazine

MORE STORIES FROM FAIRLADYView All

WRITING WHAT SHE LIKES

South African author Karen Jennings’ novel An Island has been long-listed for the 2021 Booker Prize. Currently living in São Paulo with her Brazilian husband, she tells us about her book and how many naps it takes to conceive a plot.

5 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

WRITING TRUTH POWER

We pay tribute to eight of the many women journalists out there right now putting themselves on the line for all of us.

10+ mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

THE SEARCH FOR THE FOUNTAIN of YOUTH

Human growth hormone (HGH) is being hailed in some quarters as a weight-loss and youth elixir. But is it? And should you try it?

6 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

THE SHINING MOUNTAIN

Summiting Kilimanjaro will change your life in strange ways. It’s not about how high you can climb; it’s more about how deep you can reach inside yourself.

8 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

❛I was part of the KwaSizabantu cult❜

As a child and adolescent at KwaSizabantu Mission, Erika Bornman witnessed the brainwashing and public beatings of young children. She herself was molested by her counsellor and branded a ‘slut’ when she tried to stop him. Erika has spent decades trying to get people to pay attention to what went on at the ‘mission’. It seems people are finally listening.

4 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

On the bright SIDE

WE’RE HEADING INTO SUNNY DAYS ARMED WITH AN ARSENAL OF SUMMERY STAPLES: THINK CUTE COZZIES, BREEZY COVER-UPS, OVERSIZED SHIRTS, ALL-WHITE ENSEMBLES AND JUST A LITTLE BIT OF DRAMA, LIKE A PAIR OF GLITTERY EARRINGS.

2 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

HOW TO MAKE AMENDS

IT’S NOT EASY TO BE THE ONE TO EXTEND THE OLIVE BRANCH AFTER A FALLOUT, BUT LET IT BE THE GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF – AND ANY RELATIONSHIPS YOU WANT TO SALVAGE – THIS HOLIDAY.

6 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

BE A ❛SMALL GOD❜

It’s a truism that helping other people makes you feel good too, but figuring out how to apply your talents isn’t always easy.

7 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

AFLOAT in France

BOATING ON THE INLAND WATERWAYS OF FRANCE ALLOWS YOU TO ENJOY THE SCENERY AND THE SIGHTS OF THE COUNTRYSIDE WHILE AVOIDING THE MORE STRESSFUL SIDE OF TRAVEL. A CRUISE BY CANAL BOAT ON THE CHARENTE RIVER IS A GORGEOUS, RELAXING CHOICE.

6 mins read
Fairlady
November/December 2021

Bounce Back Mountain

How a retreat in beautiful surroundings can provide new perspectives on wellness, wine and hunger.

5 mins read
Fairlady
September/October 2021