The Rapture of the Rumble
Sound & Vision|December 2020 - January 2021
Because everything must be controversial, I am going to be controversial. This column discusses God, politics, climate change, and Enzo Ferrari. Furthermore, if it causes lightning to strike you, so be it.
KEN C. POHLMANN

Let us begin with the facts, which are indisputable. Fact: Theologians unanimously agree that God intended that cars should be powered by internal combustion engines (ICE). Any other means of automotive power is heresy. I’ve written before about how awesomely cool ICE cars are. I mean, we are talking turntable LP cool here.

Also fact: Theologians agree on the reason why God likes ICE. It is because the sound they make—that basso-profundo rumble that stirs the soul as the car passes by—is a religious experience. Drivers of loud ICE cars should not get a traffic ticket, but a ticket to heaven.

What is that blasphemy you speak? Electric vehicles? They are heresy and their devilry will lead people to no good. Have you ever seen a lightning bolt strike an electric car? I haven’t either. But I bet it isn’t pretty.

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