Eating heart of Britain

Why the worst restaurant ever must be saved

I’M not going to give you the name of the worst restaurant I ever went to because (a) this is not that sort of column and (b) it was run by the type of character who, if you left a bad review, would appear one night at the end of your bed.

I went with my friend after we’d been working all day, a long way from home.

It was in a small town and there was nothing open. We walked for ages looking for somewhere. In my mind now, there was lightning and all that. Maybe the howling of wolves.

Then we came across this place between a boarded-up shop and one of those funeral showrooms with coffins in the window.

We went in. There was no one around and it was really dark.