ERIC ANDRE FOR PRESIDENT

Introducing the Cool Party: No Policies, Just Attitude

It’s about attitude, and it’s about time. Eric Andre, host of Adult Swim’s The Eric Andre Show and star of the prank based feature film Bad Trip, is running for president and, like most of his fellow candidates, investing all his energy in the construction of an attention-grabbing persona. Unlike his rivals — with the exception of our actual president — the Florida- born hopeful is building his image on a platform of blatant falsehoods, below-the-belt insults and dereliction of duty. We caught up with Andre at a salon, where a manicurist buffed fake tanner off his fingernails, and adjourned to his favorite Korean barbecue restaurant. There, he ate eel and pressed the flesh (and discussed his plan to celebrate a “crystal-meth Christmas”) with a few starry-eyed constituents. He also gave us a glimpse into the Cool Party campaign, Russian pee-pee tape and all. —James Rickman

PLAYBOY: Between Trump and Tom Steyer, we have two billionaires in the running. How’s your war chest?

ANDRE: I’m a thousandaire. I’ve made over $3,000 in my life. I dare you to find the person who’s more qualified than me. I’m making over 250 bucks a week.

PLAYBOY: Any campaign-trail highlights so far?

ANDRE: None. I’m avoiding my constituents as much as possible. I’ve been spending all my time at Jimmy Buffett concerts and drinking Shamrockin’ Sangria at Bennigan’s.

PLAYBOY: What’s the change you want to see in the world?

ANDRE: I don’t want to see anything. I’m going to close my eyes and let my constituents do whatever. I want to golf and sleep under my desk as much as possible. I have absolutely no policies. And that’s my promise to the American people: I’m just about attitude and swagger.

PLAYBOY: Let’s talk about attitude. How do you define it?

ANDRE: Well, Webster’s dictionary defines attitude as telling people your opponent sucks his own dick at night. I couldn’t believe Webster. I was like, “Webster, you old fool! You on one!”