Q: I’m a 27-year-old woman in a heterosexual relationship, and I would like to bring up the topic of prostate play to my partner. He’s pretty sexually open-minded, and we’ve talked a few times about exploring beyond penis-in-vagina penetration. What’s the best way to communicate my curiosity in prostate play without scaring him or making him feel uncomfortable? —T.L.,
You mention your man is sexually open-minded, so approach the conversation casually––don’t plan a speech or anything. It’s 2020, and butt stuffis finally being acknowledged in the mainstream as a legitimate source of sexual pleasure, even among heterosexual men who’ve been under the impression that anal play is “gay.” This belief system, of course, has homophobic roots, and it isn’t a cute look on anyone. The prostate is a gland, not a sexual orientation.
A survey from sex toy manufacturer LELO found that 71 percent of straight men in relationships have tried, or would like to try, prostate play, and 80 percent of women are open to sharing in that experience. Since men who incorporate prostate play into their sexual routine can experience orgasms up to 33 percent stronger, this has potential to be a total game changer and a fun way to mix up the dynamics in your sexual relationship.
Of course, consent is what’s most important here, so whatever you do, do not shove a finger up his unexpecting ass. This will effectively diminish any future attempts at anal play. Instead, start by complimenting his bum. Playfully pinch or squeeze it when you’re together. His reaction will help you get a better sense of his comfort level.
The next time you’re chatting (in person or through text) and the conversation gets hot and heavy, throw out the idea that you’d like to try something––something you think he would really enjoy. (Knock on the back door before opening it, if you will.) Ask if he’d be open to butt play and tell him how hot you think it would be. If he knows the idea turns you on, he may be more receptive to being…receptive.
If his cues are positive, you can start by stimulating the prostate externally through the perineum—the swath of skin between the balls and the b-hole—the next time you’re intimate. Next time you’re giving him a blow job, gently rub the area (it will feel like a plum) in a circular motion and gauge his reaction. It’s a noninvasive way to test the waters and, provided he’s loving this new trick, will further open his mind and his cheeks to a well-lubed finger (trim your nails prior!) or a toy, such as a prostate massager.
If he’s not receptive, don’t force it on him. Sex is best when all parties are actively enthusiastic about what’s taking place.
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