You open your favorite messaging app to start a video call with your significant other. The line trills until you see their face emerge onto the screen in front of you. You laugh and say hello, but now what? With the constant stressors of 2020, you might find yourself too depressed or uncertain about how to tend to your relationship despite wanting to explore intimacy. Cyber sex with a partner can be overwhelming for couples camming together for the first time, with a global pandemic separating us from each other, there aren’t many other opportunities to connect.
I applied what I learned from years as a cam girl to my own long-distance relationship with a spouse who has traveled frequently for both military deployments and a civilian job. Although my spouse and I are quarantining together, we’ve spent most of our marriage navigating time apart—and maintaining our sex life from a distance kept us healthier as individuals while also strengthening our bond.
If you want to try cybersex but you aren’t sure how to get started, these tips will help you and your partner enjoy the experience once the camera blinks on.
Make Time for “The Talk”
Sending a few unannounced nudes won’t help you get this conversation started. It’s important to discuss risks, goals and boundaries before you send anything steamy. Embrace your own vulnerability by explaining why you want to try cybersex and gauge your partner’s comfort level.
Honest, thorough discussions were a critical part of keeping me safe and comfortable during sex work—and also ensured that we’d both find authenticity and affirmation in the encounter. Establishing goals and boundaries makes that possible and keeps everyone on the same page. It’s crucial that all parties completely consent to the activities you’ll pursue together and that everyone’s needs are met.
Even if you have a comfortable, secure sex life together in person, your online time together will be a different experience. If you’re feeling too shy or inexperienced to talk about what you’re open to exploring, use Kindu or similar apps to initiate those conversations. If you’ve been doing this for a while, but you aren’t really fulfilled by the encounters, talk about what you’d like to change.
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