MARRIED BUT POLYAMOROUS
The MAN|August 01, 2020
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE?
Swapna C

DO PEOPLE seek sex outside marriage when they are not happy with their spouse? Does it mean one is sexually dissatisfied? Or, is it because they are incompatible? Or, is it an indication of some unresolved issue with one or both partners?

It may be due to one or all of these reasons. But, then again, none of these reasons may hold good for those who just don’t think monogamy is for them.

Also, not everyone who is polyamorous wants to walk away from the marriage. Some believe they have a solid marriage while some might want to maintain the status quo despite marital problems. That is why they prefer to keep it under the radar because their spouse might not see it the same way.

I spoke to a few people who consciously chose to be sexually involved with one or more partners outside the marriage to know how, if it all, it affected their relationship with their spouse.

Each of them knew their partner would not approve, but they went ahead anyway. They don’t want their spouse to find out and they don’t want to break up the marriage either.

COMPATIBLE AT LAST!

Kevin Rodrigues, a 46-yearold writer from Mangalore is polyamorous but he has not always been that way. Kevin and his wife fell out of love and their sex life was almost nonexistent when he looked for someone outside the marriage. “The trigger was incompatibility with my wife, which also extended to our sex life. After I had sex outside marriage, for a brief period, our sex life picked up. But it went right back to being nonexistent because we are not compatible and that never changed,” he says.

That is one of the reasons he refuses to discuss it with his wife as it would make life tougher for them.

“It is not just sex,” he adds, “Otherwise, I would seek a sex worker. I seek the company of someone with whom I am compatible.”

In such cases, the incompatibility comes first and the sexless marriage is an outcome of that. It may be easier to repair one's sexual relationship with the spouse, but does it solve the basic issue?

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