Jokes Pranks & Quips

A husband exclaims to his wife one day, “Your butt is getting really big. It is bigger than the BBQ grill.” Later that night in bed, the husband makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. “What is wrong?” he asks. She answers, “Do you really think I am going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”

“A panda walks into a bar. He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place. After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves.

The next night, the woman goes to the panda’s house. “You owe me money,” she says. “For what?”

The woman rolls her eyes and explains, “I’m a prostitute.” The panda pulls out a dictionary and looks it up: “Prostitute: Has sex for money.” The panda says, “I don’t have to pay you. I’m a panda.

Look it up.” She is about to protest when the panda hands her the dictionary. The woman looks up “panda” in dictionary, and it reads, “Panda: Eats bush and leaves.”