Stop trying to please everyone, says author India Knight – there’s nothing wrong with simply pleasing yourself
I recently sent a truly liberating e-mail. Someone was asking me, again, to come and give a talk on a topic I know nothing about, at the other end of the country, at an inconvenient time of year, for free. Instead of doing what I normally do – saying yes out of politeness, resenting having said yes for weeks, feeling crosser and crosser as the moment approached, wondering desperately whether I could cancel at the last minute – I said... no.
I wrote wishing the person all the best with their project. But, I said, “This isn’t going to work out for us.” There was no point in pursuing me any longer: I couldn’t do it. I was too busy. I would always be too busy. I did wonder if I’d been rude as I pressed ‘Send’, but the reply to my e-mail thanked me for my candour and for not keeping her dangling with a “maybe”, which freed her up to approach someone else.
Saying no is incredibly freeing. I only really started doing it in my late forties: prior to that, for some reason, I felt I had to try to please everybody so that they would like me. In middle age, however, it suddenly occurred to me that there wasn’t actually anything wrong with pleasing myself, that I had enough friends and had stopped caring whether people liked me or not (I have menopause to thank for that one), and that nobody would mind that much – or indeed at all – if I turned things down every now and then.
This story is from the August 2018 edition of woman & home South Africa.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the August 2018 edition of woman & home South Africa.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Till death do us part
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages, said Nietzsche. He may be on to something, says Lorraine Kearney
Hit the ROAD
Ensure your vehicle is as ready as you are for your long-awaited summer road trip
Make a meal of it
There are two basic rules when it comes to wine and food pairing: acidic wine with acidic food, and low acid wine with savoury food, Lorraine Kearney learns
Update your GARDEN
Now's the time to refresh your outdoor space
the art of INTERIORS
Colour and texture are the stars of this apartment, writes MARGARET RAFFERTY
FALLING OFF THE DIET WAGON isn't a disaster
Changing your mindset is key when it comes to smashing your health and fitness goals, says Annie Deadman. Already let things slip? It's not over yet
LIFE after BETRAYAL
Broken trust can take on many forms, but there's always one common denominator - a feeling of hurt that can last for decades
The Ties That Bind
We're all humans, which means we all need relationships to survive. stands to reason that good relationships are the best kind to have. There are ways to get there, says Lorraine Kearney
A beauty REVELATION
The self-care sanctuary Nylde Hoffman and Riëtte Lategan introduced to Stellenbosch has become a sought-after location. We spoke to them about how clients and staff are equally important in their success
Love me, LOVE MY MONEY
Married people are generally wealthier than their single counterparts. But finding peace with your partner when it comes to finances can be a tall order