According to psychologist Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of No (Turner Publishing), people-pleasers will do whatever is asked of them to keep everyone around them happy, putting everyone’s needs before their own. She explains it as a type of addiction – constant people-pleasing spirals into feeling as though they need to be needed, and makes them feel important and validated. At their core then, compulsive people-pleasers lack self-confidence, and rely on the approval of others and outside validation for security.
According to Newman, what many people-pleasers don’t realise is that constantly looking to please others at the expense of their own needs has serious risks. It puts a lot of pressure and stress on you, and can lead to being overcommitted and burning the candle at both ends. People-pleasers may suffer from anxiety, depleted energy, and depression from feeling overloaded. You’ll also begin to lose sight of what it is you need to feel fulfilled and happy, and become caught up in the lives of others at the expense of your own. So what can you do to regain balance, and choose yourself again?
1 Remember you have a choice
According to Newman, people-pleasers feel like they have to say yes when someone asks for their help or for a favour. They say yes almost compulsively. It’s important to take a moment and remind yourself that you’re perfectly within your rights to say no, and that you’re always in control of choosing whether or not to agree to take on more.
It’s perfectly acceptable to tell someone you’ll need some time to consider whether you’re able to do them a favour or not. This will give you time and space away from the pressure of being asked for help to realistically consider if you can commit to helping them. You should also ask the person for the details of the commitment, so you can work out if you have the time and energy to spare.
3 Set limits
Continue reading your story on the app
Continue reading your story in the magazine
LOCAL FASHION BRANDS ARE HELPING US BECOME MORE CONSCIOUS SHOPPERS IN THIS EVER-CHANGING WORLD, WITH THEIR BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED ECO-FRIENDLY WARDROBE PIECES
EVER NOTICE HOW YOUR CHILD’S BIONIC EARS PICK UP EVERY WORD OF YOUR PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS, YET COMPLETELY TUNE OUT WHEN YOU REALLY NEED THEM TO LISTEN? OUR EXPERTS OFFER SOME CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE ON HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF HEARD
Blood couldn't make us any closer'
THE TITLE OF ‘DAD’ DOESN’T ONLY BELONG TO SOMEONE YOU SHARE DNA WITH. THESE MEN HAVE FILLED THE FATHER FIGURE ROLE AND RAISED THEIR CHILDREN AS THEIR OWN
Cosmetic Treatments: Everything You Need To Know
Considering a cosmetic procedure, but aren’t sure what to expect? Cape town based general and aesthetic practitioner dr jan nel offers his valuable insights
How To... Make Gluten-Free Flours
Prepare these gluten-free flours to replace cake flour or self-raising flour in your favourite recipes!
Quaran-Teens Help Them Manage Their Mental Health
Teens climbing the walls during covid-19? Restlessness isn’t the only thing to be concerned about, writes daniella renzon, community service clinical psychologist
Going Through A Friendship Crisis?
Is your waning social life affecting your marriage?
Pandemic panic, brain fog and ocd… as you get back to life un-usual, psychologist marise swart shares some advice on some common issues that may affect your mental health
Beat The Disease To Please
Is saying ‘yes’ is a habit that’s leaving your own needs constantly overlooked, as you put everyone else’s needs before yours? How can you break the cycle of people- pleasing and put yourself first?
Know Your Headache Migraine, Tension Or Cluster?
It’s common for people to refer to any splitting headache as a migraine, but this might not always be the case
WINTER WELLNESS: 5 TIPS FOR PROTECTING YOUR Gut and Brain Health THIS NEW YEAR
This new year may look socially different than years past, and considering the added stress, limited sleep and typical holiday overindulgence most of us experienced last month, it’s even more necessary than usual to let our bodies recover and regenerate in this post-holiday season.
4 EXPERT TIPS FOR Men to Age Gracefully
We all want to believe that we get better with age, but growing older can often make a man feel more like a broken-down beater than a classic car. Luckily, it is possible to handle the process with strength and integrity. Try a modern approach to aging gracefully with these four steps,” says Dr. Spar.
“Take Two Kittens and Call Me In the Morning”
Can Cats Help Humans Be Healthier?
4 TIPS FOR IMPROVING MENTAL HEALTH during quarantine
HEALTH NEWS & TIPS
Lift Your Own Spirits
We all feel down now and then, especially lately. These techniques can help you bounce back.
Eat to Keep Your Spirits Up
When it comes to staying motivated and keeping a positive outlook, diet can make all the difference.
Do You Need Stress?
“The ways and means are available to me...The only question to be asked then is: ‘How much discomfort am I willing to sit with before I invite the answer to be revealed?’”—Dale Jukes
“Can you perform a hymn for us next week?” my pastor asked me after Sunday service.
How to Fix Your 2020 Brain
Want to get back to feeling good? We asked mental health experts to share their steps for lowering your anxious feelings and upping the optimism.
WHAT ARE COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS ANYWAY?
What are cognitive distortions and why might you be interested in them?